The Absurdist Fruit And Cheese Platter Cupcakes Recipes

DEATH CHARGE CUPCAKES

Steps:

• For the cupcakes: Put the beer in a medium saucepan, bring to a simmer and cook until reduced to 3/4 cup, about 30 minutes; allow to cool to room temperature.
• Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Prepare a 12-cup muffin tin with liners and spray with nonstick cooking spray.
• In a large bowl, combine the granulated sugar, flour, baking soda, cinnamon and salt.
• In a separate bowl, combine the butter and cooled beer; beat in the eggs, followed by the heavy cream. Add the flour mixture to the wet mixture in 3 parts, stirring to combine between each addition.
• Divide the batter evenly among the liners and bake for 12 minutes. Rotate the pan and cook for an additional 12 minutes. The cupcakes should be set in the middle.
• For the frosting: In a stand mixer fitted with a paddle attachment, combine the cream cheese, butter and whiskey and beat until combined. Add in the confectioner' sugar a little at a time until the frosting comes together.
• Put the frosting in a piping bag fitted with a round tip and pipe in swirls onto the finished cupcakes.

FRUIT AND CHEESE PLATTER

Steps:

• Line a wooden board or flat dish with fig leaves and artfully arrange the goat cheese, grapes, preserves and crackers on top.
• Place the orange zest and orange juice in a medium (10-inch) heavy-bottomed pot or Dutch oven, such as Le Creuset. Add the sugar, vanilla bean, and figs to the pot. Cover and bring to a full boil over medium heat. (Don't worry; it may look dry.) Stir the mixture and boil hard for 1 minute, stirring to dissolve the sugar. Lower the heat, and cook uncovered at a full simmer for 50 minutes to 1 hour 15 minutes, stirring occasionally. You want the little bubbles to be throughout the pot, not just at the edges. After 45 minutes, refrigerate a small amount of the liquid to see if it becomes syrupy. It should be like a soft fruit preserve. Keep cooking just until the liquid starts to gel when cold. If the liquid is too firm, add a little orange juice or water, cook for a minute, and test it again until it's right. Depending on how ripe the figs are, they will probably keep their shape, but it's fine if they don't. Discard the vanilla bean and serve or refrigerate.
• Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F. Line two sheet pans with parchment paper.
• Place the oats, flour, brown sugar, and kosher salt in a food processor fitted with the steel blade and pulse for 45 to 60 seconds, until the oats are coarsely ground. Add the butter and pulse 15 to 20 times, until the butter is the size of peas.
• Dissolve the baking soda in the lukewarm water and drizzle it over the crumbs in the food processor. Pulse until the mixture is evenly moistened and can be pressed into balls that will hold together.
• With a medium (1 3/4-inch) ice cream scoop or two spoons, scoop the dough into your hands and roll them into round balls. Evenly space 12 balls on the prepared sheet pans. Flour the bottom of a flat-bottomed 3-inch-diameter drinking glass and use it to flatten each cracker to 1/8 inch thick and about 3 inches in diameter. The crackers will not be perfectly round. If there is a lot of flour on the crackers, turn them over with a metal spatula. Sprinkle with the fleur de sel and bake for 20 to 25 minutes, until golden brown on the edges. Serve warm or at room temperature.
• "Cooking for Jeffrey" by Ina Garten © Clarkson Potter 2016. Provided courtesy of Ina Garten. All rights reserved.

MATINEE IDOL CUPCAKES

Steps:

• For the cupcakes: Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Line two 2 dozen mini-cupcake pans with paper liners and spray with oil spray. Sift the flours, baking powder, baking soda and salt into a bowl and set aside. In the bowl of an upright mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, cream the butter and shortening on medium speed, about 3 minutes. Add the sugar and vanilla and beat on medium until fluffy, 3 minutes. Scrape down the bowl and add the whole egg and egg whites, and beat until incorporated. Turn the mixer to low. Add the flour mixture, alternating with the water, in three additions, beginning and ending with the flour mixture. Scrape down the bowl, then mix on low. Using a small ice cream scoop, fill the prepared pans three-quarters of the way full with batter and bake until baked through, about 9 minutes. Cool the cupcakes completely. Set aside for assembly.
• For the buttercream: To melt the chocolate, place it in a double boiler over simmering water on low heat for 5 to 10 minutes. Stir occasionally until completely smooth and no pieces of chocolate remain. Remove from the heat and let cool until lukewarm, 5 to 15 minutes.
• In a medium heavy-bottomed pot, whisk the sugar and flour together. Add the half-and-half and milk and cook over medium heat, whisking occasionally, until the mixture comes to a boil and has thickened, about 20 minutes. Transfer the mixture to the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment. Beat on high speed until cool. Reduce the speed to low and add the butter; mix until thoroughly incorporated. Increase the speed to medium-high and beat until the frosting is light and fluffy. Add the vanilla and white chocolate and continue mixing until combined. If the frosting is too soft, put the bowl in the refrigerator to chill slightly, and then beat until it is the proper consistency. If the frosting is too firm, set the bowl over a pot of simmering water and beat with a wooden spoon until it is the proper consistency.
• For the meringue: Place the sugar, cream soda, corn syrup, salt and egg whites in the top of a double boiler. Beat with a handheld electric mixer for 1 minute. Place the pan over boiling water, being sure that the boiling water does not touch the bottom of the top pan. (If this happens, it could cause your frosting to become grainy.) Beat constantly on high speed with electric mixer for 7 minutes. Beat in the vanilla.
• For the popcorn: Heat the oil in a 3-quart saucepan on medium-high heat. Put 3 popcorn kernels into the oil and cover the pan. When the kernels pop, add the rest of the popcorn kernels in an even layer. Cover, remove from the heat and count 30 seconds. Return the pan to the heat. The popcorn should begin popping soon, and all at once. Once the popping starts in earnest, gently shake the pan by moving it back and forth over the burner. Try to keep the lid slightly ajar to let the steam from the popcorn release (the popcorn will be drier and crisper). Once the popping slows to several seconds between pops, remove the pan from the heat, remove the lid and dump the popcorn immediately into a wide bowl. If you are adding butter, you can easily melt the butter in the microwave for 30 seconds. Then, toss the popcorn in the butter and add salt to taste.
• For the idol envelopes: With the edible ink marker, print on the white fondant paper the words "the winner is" in 1-inch squares. With scissors, cut out the squares and reserve to the side for assembly. Measure the red fondant with a ruler into 1-inch squares; trace and cut. With the marker, draw a triangle from the top left corner to the center to the top right corner to give the appearance of a fold in an envelope. With a moist paper towel, wet the back of the red square without the marked fold. Then stick the white square to the red square with the writing facing out.
• To assemble: Fill each cupcake with the buttercream. Generously frost the top of each cupcake with Swiss meringue. Adorn with freshly popped popcorn and an idol envelope.

THE ABSURDIST (FRUIT AND CHEESE PLATTER CUPCAKES)

Steps:

• Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Line 2 muffin pans with 18 to 19 cupcake liners.
• Sift together the flour, sugar, baking powder, salt, and orange zest in a medium bowl.
• In the bowl of a stand mixer with a paddle attachment, mix the eggs, orange juice, butter, and vegetable oil on medium speed until incorporated, about 2 minutes. Turn the mixer to medium-low speed, and add the dry ingredients a little bit at a time, making sure to scrape down the sides of the bowl if necessary. Mix until just combined.
• Fill the cupcake liners 3/4 of the way full, and bake until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean, 20 minutes. Cool the cupcakes completely.
• To assemble: Peel the cupcake away from its liner, and place upside down on the top of a new, fresh liner. The narrow end of the cupcake should be facing up at this point. Pour 2 to 3 tablespoons of the Brown Sugar Fig Sauce on top of each cupcake, allowing the sauce and figs to drip down the sides. Fill a piping bag equipped with a star tip with the Honey Goat Cheese Frosting, and pipe stars on the top of each cupcake. Sprinkle the tops of the cupcakes with the Parmesan.
• In a medium saucepan, bring the brown sugar and water to a boil over medium-high heat. Reduce the heat to medium, stir in the figs, butter, and orange zest, and heat until slightly thickened, about 10 minutes. Remove the sauce from the heat and allow to cool.
• In the bowl of a stand mixer with a whisk attachment, whisk the goat cheese, cream cheese, and butter on medium-high speed until smooth and fluffy, about 3 minutes. Reduce the speed to medium, and gradually add the powdered sugar until incorporated, scraping down the sides of the bowl if necessary. Add the honey and beat until incorporated.

FRUIT AND CHEESE PLATTER

Steps:

• Choose a large round or rectangular tray, along with a small round cutting board or ceramic tile. Set the cutting board or tile on the tray for the cheese wedges. Allow cheese to stand at room temperature 30 minutes.
• Quarter the pineapple, cut out the fruit and cut into wedges. Use the rind as a "basket" on the tray for the fruit wedges. Place the melon cubes on the tray on bay leaves. Arrange grape clusters on the tray.